I have seen that home educated children tend to be more considerate than their schooled peers in most ways. This can involve simple pleasantries, such as acknowledging people as they enter a room, through to the ability to put things right when they go wrong. One example of the latter is when my two-year-old was knocked over at HESFES - the teenagers stopped to pick her up and checked she was alright before moving on.

When under pressure, any child (or adult) may take a course of action that we feel might not be appropriate behaviour, but I feel that home educated children generally seem to get the balance right. I am not suggesting that we are raising children who never make 'mistakes', but I do think they are better equipped to cope with the aftermath and help to manage the situation in an understanding and mature fashion, when compared with the majority of their school-going peers.

I believe the greater freedom of expression afforded by home education allows children to mature at their own pace, rather than to have responsibility forced upon them according to schedule. Home education allows a much gentler form of correction too - no one has to be made an example of, and there is a greater appreciation for the style of discipline most suitable for the individual child.

In fact, when a *parent* makes a mistake, it is much more straightforward to apologise to an home educated child. I think this is partly due to the fact that apologies in the home educated family are true expressions of regret, rather than the manifestations of guilt as seems to be required by the school system.

As someone who has been regularly involved with interpersonal skills projects, I cannot help but notice what an empowering experience home education is for parents as well as children, and the positive effects clearly influence the style of parenting. Some parents seem to find that home education does not interrupt their 'natural' style of parenting, whereas home education helps others to find a style that is more appropriate than the existing one. Perhaps this is because home education requires the parent to actively seek communication on a level that would be most conducive to education? Alternatively, perhaps home education inspires parents to reflect upon their own needs in order to 'free' themselves to perform at their best? I think the reality of the situation is a mixture of the two.

Home educators also realise that adults are not 'founts of knowledge', but it is a fact that a lot of other adults cannot acknowledge this for fear of losing respect or authority. These concerns are irrelevant to us as the whole point of home education is that answers will not be found all in one place. I believe this relaxation of some of the role boundaries makes a large contribution to the factors that enable us to 'out perform' the school system. After all, the current structure of the government system implies that school teachers will only maintain respect if they maintain absolute authority. Therein lies the problem, I think. 

Home education does not create 'super parents', but it does encourage us all to evolve as individuals. We have to find answers for ourselves before we can guide our children as their mentors - not so much from an academic point of view, but more to find out what inspires and motivates us as people in our own right. Although the option to stay at home or go to school is very empowering for the children, I believe that the greater feeling of being in control of one's own life is actually brought out by the parent who is clearly feeling that way also.

Thus, a new kind of understanding between parent and child develops which makes the conditions for home education favourable. Schoolchildren who are sincerely friendly and considerate (as opposed to those who fear the consequences of non-compliance) also seem to have empowered parents. I obviously do not think, therefore, that home education is the only way (!) for parents to develop their own personal competences but I think that it happens in such a natural way, that people rarely notice the process taking place. It is only later that we tend to realise that we are much 'better' parents than we used to be.

So what should we do to further this trend towards self development? My response would be that we don't necessarily have to do anything, as it is clearly happening in its own time. That said, once we remember that we aren't just parents and husbands and wives, but individual people with needs and dreams, it is very difficult not to notice ourselves moving further along the path of self-discovery because, in doing so, we discover more about others too, whether those people are our partners, our children, friends, or even strangers in the street. Home education allows *all* parties involved to develop at their own pace. Who knows, maybe even the sceptics will one day grow to accept the benefits. (Note the ambiguity of that last statement!)

Wendy Bance, August 2001

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